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Ok, lets start with the booking of the flights. Well I had three days to arrange them. Not bad really, got the details and
asked the IT Administrator to sort them out with our travel agency. So far so good. Well that is until they get their hands
on it, then things slow down to a crawl. At this point I noticed the flight dates, they were crossing over the aniverssary
of 9/11. Well okay thats not too bad I guess, then I realised the return journey was on Friday the 13th.
Now with the dates being a little bit of a worry, what turns up on the news. Well ealrier in the week there was a story about
someone getting arrested for trying to board a plane with a weapon, and some other dodgy activities. Well the day I started
arranging the flights, there was another story of a guy in Sweden carrying a gun onto a plane, and he to was arrested. They
then started saying that he was probably going to crash the plane into a US embassey. Right, now should I start getting worried
at this point?
So the morning of the flight arrives, and I go into usualy pack'n'run mode. So I'm packing my bags and the times running out,
okay nearly there. Oh damn forgot the shoes, well no room in the bag really. Bit of jumping and shoving and they fitted in,
and I managed to get the zips all done up. Oops the bus will be coming soon. So get some shoes on real quick and then leg
it out the door with all the bags. Boring bit comes now, wait for the bus, and then get on it, and the sit on until we arrive
at the airport.
Okay, I'm now at the airport. Shit nobody told me half of the UK went on holiday at this time. The queues everywhere were massive,
they stretched like the length of the airport. So I go to the United desk, and well their queue wasn't as long as all the
others. So I stand in the queue, and I'm thinking about the dates again, and the other incidents, well hey what else is there
to think about while standing here. And thinking how unlucky can this get, wellmore is for sure.
Next thing I know this guy is asking me about my luggage and how many I have to check in. Well I only had the one so I told
him. Next thing I know its off to one side and behind the curtains, oh great here we go. Can I undo the bag is the next question.
Well of course I can. So the guy goes through all the stuff, and I'm getting fed up now, because all their "random" security
checks appear to get me, must be the most non-random person they get, as I am stopped every time.
So okay can things get better now. Well yes in fact they can, he finishes up with my bag. I stick a label on the thing at his
insistance. And then I'm escorted to the short queue, thats the one with no one in. Wicked. I have to drop my bag off to one
side, bit weird I thought just leaving it there. Well straight up to the desk, and the usual questions begin, bla bla bla.
Right finish with the useless security questions, and then he hands me the boarding card. He tells me I have seat 21H, and
that we are boarding from gate 13. Oh great another 13, just what I needed. Fine I take the boarding card, and he asks which
of the bags is mine, I point it out and he sticks the label on it and away I walk to get some breakfast.
Hm, nice nosh that was. Now might as well go to the boarding gate, nothing much else to do. Well I got there a bit early, and
they hadn't openned the gate yet. So I hang about, la la la. Right the gate opens, and a couple of people go through. Might
as well head through. The guy outside the gate checks my boarding card and says yeah go through. So I step through and I'm
met by another guy, and dont I just know what he is going to say. "Step this way sir, random security check" he says. Right
thats it, you must think I winge on about this stuff, not being random and all that crap. Well if you could get hold of the
records for these random checks for every flight I was on from Heathrow, and look for my name. It would be on every single
one of those flights, that over 8 of the things. I recon they need to re-seed their random number generator or something.
I'm getting bored of these things now. Sitting there taking my shoes off for the screening process. Then they go through my
bag again. They finish up and I go sit down and wait for boarding. Of course they board from the back of the plane, so I have
to wait for a while. Finally they call out rows 20 and above. So I walk down the gangway and onto the plane. Along the ailse
and to my seat. Oh my god, what's this, somethings gone wrong, must have the wrong seat. I'm looking around checking the seat
numbers, no this is definitely 21H. JACKPOT. Yes I don't believe must be my lucky day. Check out the picture below, how much
more room can I ask for. And look I have the foldy tray and TV screen. I could be 8 foot tall and still have leg room :-)
 
Well you've probably heard of a mid-life crisis, well I kind of feel like I'm going through one of those. Bet you never heard
of a mid-flight crisis. Well I definitely had one of those. Sitting in my seat I suddenly thought why not fill in the immigration
and customs forms. Well thats when it hit me, where had I put the forms. I checked all my trouser pockets, nothing. Now I'm
sure thats where my passport had been, not now it wasn't. Okay my bag, I must have put them in there. Quick look through the
pockets, nothing. Okay now I'm getting worried, I had them outside the gate they were on top of my bag. Well I must have had
them to get in the gate. So the guy took them off me to check, and I'm pretty sure he gave them back to me.
My coat maybe, well not in the outside pockets, and I only have two inside ones. I had everything in there earlier maybe its
still there. Not with the pockets done up it wont be. Shit now I'm really panicing, what the hell do I do. "Oh sorry but I
think I have left my passport and boarding cards in London", yeah right. The immigration guys would look at me and throw me
straight back on the next plane out. Damn it, where are they. Right get the bag out of the overhead bin this time. And the
coat. Right the coat definitely has nothing in, there are no holes in the pockets so they aren't in there. What about the
bag. Right, main pocket, nothing. Second pocket, nothing. Ooh the front pocket, but I dont remember sticking them there. Thank
god, they are in there, wow must have done it during one of the security checks. Wow my heart rate drops from the 160+ back
to its normal 80. Everyone must have thought I was a terrorist trying to find my gun the way I was going.
So anyway its nice having all this leg room, you can figit, and stretch right out. Oh and the person next you doesn't disturb
you they simply walk on by. So I settled in to watch the films whilst working (and typing this of course). First of I get
to see Showtime. Not a bad film, kind of funny I guess. I wasn't really in the mood for laughing what with the trip and the
preceding weeks events (but they are another story, one which wont get published I'm afraid). Well it managed to eek a few
grunts out of me, and that hurt. Next up I watched Lucky Break, I guess the first film had warmed me up slightly, coz I managed
a few laughs this time. Although for whatever reason it sounded more like I was snorting, my throat was really messed up this
flight. And then I watched About a Boy, which got some unrestrained laughs this time, guess I must have been getting tired
and forgetting all my worries. The bit with the loaf of bread, nearly had me waking the entire plane up.
Well after all that we land at Chicago, nice and smooth too wow. Then we have the customery immigration queues, which I managed
to dodge by sprinting of the plane, they soon formed behind me. But as luck would have it got stuck behind the twat that does
just about everything wrong, and I end up waiting for a good 10 minutes. Clear that and then have to wait for the luggage.
Yeah I know a seasoned traveller shouldn't have check-in, well I dont normaly, but after the last trip where I went through
Chicago and they took stuff of me because they thought it was sharp (pitty the staff aren't as sharp). So hanging around,
the damn conveyor belt keeps stopping. Eventually some 45 minutes later my bag drops off the belt, woopee. Right now a quick
dash through customs, and throw the bag back on a belt, right now to head of somewhere. Given my leaving flight was not for
four hours I figured it wouldn't be displayed, and sure enough no sign of it yet. So I tottled off to the United domestic
terminal. After walking around a bit I decide to go through security anyway and wait on the other side for the plane. At this
point I thought I would check and see if they could put me on an earlier flight you know no point in hanging about. Get to
the customer service desk, and there is no queue, now thats really weird. And well hey there are seven people at the desk,
wow why so many? Well she taps away and then tells me all the flights are full including the one I'm on, but I do have a seat
on it. She tried making that into a joke, but hey I couldn't smile anymore. I hadn't felt like smiling when I started the
journey, but the muscles needed flexing and the brain can always fake one. But now some 14 hours later my smile had retreated
to a dark cave at the back of my mind, and was in no mood to play.
So after wandering around some more, and then sitting down to type some more of this, the planes up on the board. Only another
three hours to go. Well I get to the departure gate and time slowly ticks by. Seats are filling up. I'm trying to get some
sleep. And surprise, surprise I get the nattering twits come stand right behind me, and tell there life story. Whats with
these people they are standing about a foot apart and they are shouting. Then this kid sits next to me with a camera. Now
I'm all for photography, and its digital and I'm a geek no problems there then. But he starts playing with the zoom lens,
IN..OUT...IN....OUT. I'm gonna loose it, and so will he, his camera that is. What an irritating noise. Now at this time I'm
trying to read the sign above the desk, my eyes aren't really functioning at this point. That reminds me is this stops making
any sense in a bit its coz my brains shutdown and I'm on autopilto so if I miss-align my finger I type one character across,
game over. Now this signs has some rubish about a flight in from somewhere, not Boston, and that it represents some such rubish
about the Boston flight. Now I'm beginning to think of delays and problems. And what do you know, wack, 35 minute delay on
take off for our flight. The reason, wait for it this is a good one, they have no crew for the flight. I'm sorry, let me get
this right, you have a scheduled flight, which usually requires a crew, but you dont have any? Now is it me or is this a lame
excuse.
Tic, toc, tic, toc. Still sitting here at 8:20, and no crew, and no sign of boarding. Oh hear we go, delayed until 8:50. Right
they might as well cancel it and shove me off to a hotel at this point, before I go mad. No such luck, they starty boarding
now. So we all rush in, as you do. I get on the plane, now the guy at check in told me I had an ailse seat, 31F. Well I get
on this plane, and look down it, now they only have one passage, which immediately means, small plane. Thats 3 seats each
side, hang one, A B C D E F. Right F being the six letter means I am on the end, next to a window. Oh what do I care at this
point they could stick me in the overhead bin I wouldnt care.
Finally we trundle onto the run way, ready to take off. Now you know when they say smoething and you think, oh final last words.
Well the clever guy up front starts us off with, "We are expecting a smooth flight today", at which point I get the seat belt
and pull until my legs start going blue. I secure all my posesions, and get ready for a rollercoater ride. Sure enough no
sooner are we in the air, than this plane starts off like a bucking bronko. We are well and truely away, kids start screaming,
the plane is making some funny screaching noises. At last something of interest. After 5 minutes or so it settles down to
a gentle bounce, and the stewards start handing out drinks. I get my water and down it in one, just as the plane takes another
dive. Well this is fun now, everyone looks nervous, I couldn't give a damn if the plane fell out of the sky at this point.
It would kind of make things simpler, you know nothing more to worry about.
Well after an hour and thirty minutes of some reasonable bumping around. I have had a few minutes hear and there of sleep,
we start our landing. Quick squint out the window, and, well I can't actualy see anything we are shrouded i
n clouds. They had mentioned it was misty and raining at Boston. At this point it gets really rough again, lovely, I love
this kind of landing. Well about ten minutes later we are still going down, stilll bumping around and still surrounded in
clouds. I've heard the landing gear come down, and the engines winding down so we must be close to landing. Still looking
out I can only see the clouds. Oh no hang, yikes thats the ground, BUMP as we skip down the runway after clearing the clouds/fog
which is probably hanging no more than 20 feet from the ground. I guess this is what radar was invented for. Its wet to, been
raining quite a bit by the looks of it, oooh nice skid along the runway to. Well after all that I am safely in Boston.
Oh dear. More fun and games with my luggage. After waiting for 30 minutes at the carrousel, its stops. And my bags is not there.
Of to lost luggage, and the lady following me says exactly what I just did, "I was on the Chicago flight, but my bag didn't
come out". Oh no, I am now thinking my bag is on its way to somewhere sunny. The guy tells me to go check the pile of bags
in there little room, and says it should be there. After rummaging around in the bags I find my one. Now hang on a minute,
I just got off the plane on which my luggage has supposed to accompany me, as per all the damn security rigmarol we have to
go through. I was even told I couldn't get an earlier flight because my bag was checked in and had to travel with me, and
that would mean moving it to the other flight as well. Someone like to explain how my bag got to the airport before we had
landed??
Right, bed, thats all I can think of now. How do I get to the hotel from here. Good job I dont drive otherwise I wouldnt stand
a chance of making it. Nobody at the information desk, so no idea if there is a shuttle. Guess there probably wont be given
its meant to be 30 minutes out of Boston. Taxi it is then, ooh that looks like a long queue, says me standing at the shuttle
stop. So I walk on over, wow that is a long queue, its doubled back on its self, oh and wound around a couple of pillars in
the process. I walk round the pillar to my disbelief the queue is actualy quadled (made that word, sounds pretty good), on
its self. How long is this gonna take I wonder. An hour later I find out, after being pushed along in the queue, hey I wasn't
going to stay awake any longer. Into the taxi I get, shout the destination, and I am greeted with the words, "Do you know
the way there?". Of course I bloody don't I just got in a taxi, you're supposed to know the way. What is it with taxis, why
do they never know where you are going. Its a hotel for cryin out sake, its not as if it my little house in the backwaters
of some dioube or something.
After driving down some highways, passing through what looks like a river and sounded like one as the waves rose above the
car. We finaly arrive at the hotel, yes yes yes yes yes. I get in, after paying the taxi driver of course, and shout for someone
at the desk. He comes around, give me my room now I want sleep. I get the key, and bugger of up the lift, into the room. YEs
I have finaly arrived. I get out the laptop, time to cancel my appearance at an 9am meeting I am supposed to chair. I had
intended to phone in, but I'll be lucky if I can open my eyes at that time. Okay dial up number, right got that, where am
I, Boston well Massachucet at least. Okay try the Boston numbers, no luck busy line on both. Try another district near by,
same thing, third one same thing. Enoughs enough, I'm not going to get online tonight so off to bed then.
Night night.
Oh well I can't leave it here just yet. There is a little more to this story. And it starts again at 8am, remember I got to
sleep about 3am, after all the crap of the previous day. It starts again with the fire alarm going off, yep thats right, nicely
sleeping away ready for the next day starting with a meeting at 9. And this thing wasn't your normal hotel alarm, this was
an idustrial level alarm, it was loud. I woke up, stood up (in total darkness not a spot of light in the room), and thought
hm what to do first. Well I wasn't wearing much obviously, and I knew it would be cold and wet outside having flown in through
the clouds and fog. So stuck on a top and trousers. Then headed out the door, taking my door key with me. Get to the stairs
and walk down, only three flights which was good.
I get outside, its bloody cold, and definitely wet. Standing around mainly with staff, and one other guest. Then the noise
of the sirens comes up the road towards the hotel. First a firetruck, then a fire ladder and then the poliuce. And then another
diretruck all pull up to the hotel. This was getting exciting. So we end up waiting for about half an hour before we get back
into the hotel. Trudge bac up to my room, and then decide I am not going to be in the conference call, instead I'll try and
get someone else to chair it, and I can get the rest of the sleep I need. Get the email out eventually, the phone line works
this time. And then it the sack.
We arent quite there yet. Still a little more to go for the story. I get up in the morning, and get my stuff and go into the
bathroom. I open up my toiletry baf only to find that the shampoo bottle has exploded somewhere along the journey and covere
all my stuff in shampoo. It must have been when the security guy repacked my bag and stuck everything together.
Well I did say i was unlucky, what do you recon?
Leaving Boston was another pain, they were on a massice security boost with loads of people. At an area with three security
check points (each withs it X-Ray machine), they had probably close to 50 security people standing around. They had been on
the news last night stating that securtiy had been boosted, and that they would have properly trained people on duty at the
airport at two of the terminals. Well guess what I got one of those terminals. There were so many standing around doing nothing
most of them. Then they did another check on the laptop full screening this time. What a load of crap. Why the hell would
I put it in the laptop, and if I did I think it would still look and work like a laptop. It would be packaged inside something
like the CDRom drive which they never check the inside of, or in the battery. The whole things is nuts, as if you would leave
a chemical trace on the outside of it.
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